English – Sometimes You Are So Special


(We Heart It)

I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago and laughed the entire way through it.  The list below is a combination of the funniest analogies taken from high school essays. The chosen 25 were compiled by high school teachers across the country.  Oh-my-gawsh….hilarious.

1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster.

2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.

3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.

4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. Coli, and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.

6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 

7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.

8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.

9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.

10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you’re on vacation in another city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30.

12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.

13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.

14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.

15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan’s teeth.

16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.  (my personal favorite)

17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.

18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.

19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.

20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.

24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.

25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.

I’m still laughing.  Words are so great.  I’ll never get bored with them!
(iPhone pic – from Portland, OR)

Advertisements

16 Responses to “English – Sometimes You Are So Special”

  1. Sasha Says:

    BWAHAHAHA!! Too funny!!

  2. Jamie H. Says:

    Hahaha! I just sent this to my friend Talisha. She’s a high school English teacher. These are so funny!

  3. sunshineandstarlight Says:

    I know!! I laughed and laughed. Some of these are some great ‘flirt’ lines for a single gal like myself. 🙂

  4. Katie Says:

    Haha! Such a funny list! Thanks so much for sharing!!

  5. Jamie Maldonado Says:

    Ha ha, those are awesome. Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup … phhbbbtt. ha ha. Thanks.

  6. Rand Says:

    This is so good. For some reason some of them remind me of the movie Big Fish, one of my favorites.

  7. janel Says:

    I love this! So funny!!
    Also, Don’t forget to head over to my blog and snatch up the Blog Button for accepting the journal challenge!! http://www.iheartrunwithscissors.com/2010/06/challenge.html
    xo
    janel

  8. ~ calista ~ Says:

    I love this! Thanks for posting :-}

  9. bookjunkie Says:

    I absolutely love this post!! it’s so funny

    i love this one where the kid feels the need to explain….so cute!!

    21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.

  10. English – Sometimes You Are So Special (via Sunshine & Starlight ) « Tiny Island Says:

    […] 1. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever. 2. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree. 3. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t. 4. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while. (We Heart It) I stumbled upon this blog a few days ago and laughed the entire way through it.  The list below is a combination of the funniest analogies taken from high school essays. The chosen 25 were compiled by high school teachers across the country.  Oh-my-gawsh….hilarious. 1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a ThighMaster. 2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking allia … Read More […]

  11. bookjunkie Says:

    I loved your post so much I had to reblog it 🙂

  12. Hanna Says:

    Read these out loud to my friends, and we were all busting a gut like a fresh appendicitis. 😉 Hilarious!!!

  13. thoughtsappear Says:

    This is so funny! I used to teach high school English. Now I teach English 101. I’ll have to stay on the lookout for gems like these.

  14. Amanda Says:

    Love this girl! I’ve seen some good ones as an English teacher over the years, but these were FUNNY 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: