All The Single Fellas!

(We Heart It)

A few weeks ago, I was sitting around with some of my girls at a local coffee shop downtown.  Of course, like usual, the conversation ended up on dating and then to what each of us looked for while out with a fella.  I decided to compile the findings and make a handy dandy little list for all the men out there trying to figure out exactly what makes date #2 in your immediate future.  Clearly, you may not agree with everything that I’ve said.  People have their own opinions and are in different stages of life but these are some of mine.  So….here we go!!

1)  Open doors
I know some ladies have made quite a big deal out of this move & seem to hate it (what is wrong with them?!) but here’s what my friends and I think about it…we love it.  I smile every time somebody opens a car door for me.  Every time.

2)  Drive
It’s just nice when a man picks you up and takes you out on the date.  It’s sweet and then, to make it even better, it gives us a chance to control the music. Win.

3)  Know Where You’re Going
Plan out a destination beforehand.  This will get you major points! Not only is it nice for us to chill and not think about it but it also shows that you put a little thought into the date and women ::love:: thoughtful.  Sure, you can ask my opinion but it is so great when you’ve already planned ahead and know exactly where we are going, where to park, when it opens, if there are any cupcakes nearby! *hint hint*

4) Compliment, please!
Chances are we put some time into getting ready for this shindig and our feelings will be hurt if a) you don’t notice and b) you don’t even say anything about how we look.  I like being told I look pretty…there, I said it.  Simply notice a feature and compliment us on it….dress we’re wearing, how our hair looks, the sweet awesome boots we have on.

5) Beautiful vs Sexy vs Hot vs Cute
If you really want to make a girl swoon then tell her she’s beautiful. (And mean it.)  It’s a huge turn off if somebody tells me I’m sexy or hot.  Let’s get real, any girl with a fake tan, short skirt, and heavy eyeliner can look ‘hot’.  That’s totally not what I’m going for here.  True beauty is natural and softer and a huge part of that comes from within.  Cute is great most of the time but sometimes you just get tired of hearing a word that’s associated with baby rabbits and chinchillas.

6)  Full Time Jobs Are Sexy
I’ll admit, it’s nice to know that a man can take care of himself financially.  Sure, I totally understand that tough times come but it’s how you handle those that speak the loudest.  Work…just do something, anything!! Also, along with the work thing, every girl I’ve talked to agrees that it’s a HUGE turn off if you’re completely obsessed with your job and have no interests or hobbies outside of your 9-5.  Balance, balance, balance.

7)  Speaking Of Hobbies….
Get some and then tell us about them!  I love to talk about pretty much everything (except sports).  If you’re into music, art, cars, cooking, running, horseshoe collecting, boxing, maybe even sports then we want to know about it.  It’s so awesome to meet somebody with a multitude of interests and experiences.  Cultivate these.  Plus, when you’re passionate about something, it’s attractive (unless you’re passionate about something ridiculous, like watching grass grow.)

8)  Love Your Mom
This is HUGE!!  There’s a difference in being a complete momma’s boy (not cool plus I don’t want to compete with that) and having mad love and respect for your mother.  When you’re kind to your mom (don’t roll your eyes when she calls you, help her with things, take her out to lunch) this speaks volumes about how you’ll eventually treat me.  So when you talk about your family, know I’m totally paying attention.  It’s a huge deal.

9) Call vs Text
When you’re asking a lady out on a date, 9 out of 10 of them will say they prefer to be called on the phone or asked out in person.  I am that one weird girl who honestly doesn’t care.  Text me if you wish…you’ll probably get a hold of me easier that way.  But I realize that I’m the total exception on this because my friends will all say don’t even think about texting them or facebook messaging them to go out on a date.  Ok, I will admit that asking me out on facebook is super lame. 

10) Be Creative
Girls love when you put thought into a date.  I’m talking LOVE it.  So put a little brain power into it and bravely pursue something outside of the dinner and movie scenario.  Even if it bombs, it’s alright! Us gals are pretty forgiving and won’t hold it against you forever if the creative date takes a turn for the not so awesome.  Ha! There’s always a coffee shop nearby to stop in and chat about life.  Those are some of my favorite times anyway.  Also, being outside is always amazing.  Especially when it’s FALL!

11) We Don’t Want To Hear All About Your Ex Girlfriend
Period.

12) Put The Phone Away!
I take it personally when I’m out with somebody and they keep their phone face side up on the table.  Good grief, if it’s that important not to miss a facebook notification, text, call, tweet, email then why are you out with me?! Just don’t do it.  At all.  Nope, don’t even think about it. 

13) Relax.  We Like You.
Dating should be fun!  Be yourself.  If we’re out with you then chances are we probably already like you a little bit.  Don’t feel like you have to have ‘fake’ interests that match ours or that you should agree with every word we say.  I can handle a little difference in taste and opinion.  Plus, it’s attractive for a man to have a mind of his own. 

14) Ask Questions.
We ::love:: this.  If you ask me questions about life then I’m swooning.  There’s just something about a guy that cares enough to ask questions and then actually remembers what you say.  Learn this technique because it will pretty much work every time.

15) Slooooooow Down!
It’s just a date.  I’m not planning our wedding after the first time we hang out (trust me) and I really do not need you trying to call my dad and ask permission to take me out a second time.  Seriously, don’t do it.  I think he’d also prefer if you didn’t!  Ha!  Not all girls are in a mad dash for the bridal finish line.  Most of my friends aren’t and this will royally freak me out if you start heading that direction.  If it moves towards the serious then yes, family time is extremely important, but not after we have coffee once.

16) ASK!!
So many guys never even get to the asking part.  See a girl who interests you and you want to know about her?  Goodness, ask the lady out!! Get some courage and do it.  I’ve heard of guys who are secretly head over heels in love with some of their close girl friends and never made a move because they were completely afraid of rejection.  Ok, let me clue you in on something here, us ladies have been trained since birth to NOT make the first move and trust me when I say that I’m not making it.  It isn’t our place.  So, if fear of rejection is your only hurdle then get over it.  No really, get over it and ask her out…like now.  It’s a wonderful feeling to be pursued when intentions are out in the open.  If you’re into us then tell us!! It’s that easy.

17) Pay
If you ask us out then it’s the right thing to do.  Also, if you do pay for the date don’t make a huge deal out of it by saying something to the tune of “oh my gosh, this is so expensive” or “well there goes my gas money for the rest of the week.”  Seriously?  Of course, we are probably going to offer to pay and I’d gladly pay for things later but the first date is all you.  Come on man, you got this.

18) Hygeine matters
Take care of yourself.  Take a shower. Look presentable.  Iron that T shirt.  Easy on the cologne.  Don’t order every fried thing on the menu and chase it down with a massive triple extra large Dr Pepper then order three desserts.  Just don’t. 

19) Be A Gentlemen
Walk us to the door when you drop us off.  If I drove, ask that I text or call when I get home to make sure I made it.  Pump our gas for us (unless you’re in Oregon.)  Do not push the physical…ever, ever, ever.  Be sweet.  It will pay off.

20) Flowers
This is just an extra one because I personally am a huge lover of flowers.  It makes me light headed to get flowers from somebody…in a good way.  A lot of girls hate them but they make me super happy and because I’m the one writing this blog post then I say buy the girl some flowers!! *smile*  It doesn’t matter where they’re from.  Sometimes Target and Whole Foods have the most amazing flowers for pretty cheap.  It’s just the thought…..always the thought.

So that’s it!  I have a wonderful father and some great guy friends who have taught me to expect a lot of these things.  Plus, my great dates outweigh my bad ones and I’m thankful for that.  Just trying to shed a little light on the female mind for the fellas trying to figure us out.   Yes, there are plenty more points I could have talked about and should probably talk about.  However, these are some important things to remember about dating.   Major thanks to my girls who give me hours of great honest conversation about life and love.  Ladies, did I leave anything off?  I’m sure I did.  Just leave it in the comments.  Thank you!!

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46 Responses to “All The Single Fellas!”

  1. Danielle Says:

    Um… I think you read my ind on some of these points.

    http://daniellebeauty.blogspot.com/2009/10/danielles-guide-to-getting-chicks.html

    Oh, and btw, if any woman hates flowers she is either under 25 or lying, There, I said it.

  2. sunshineandstarlight Says:

    Hahaha!! Amen, girl!

  3. Chip Says:

    Is that all?

  4. Rand Says:

    Good stuff. Next time we hang out I’m gonna do all of those just for fun!

  5. Jamie Maldonado Says:

    It makes me feel better that I don’t have to take many notes from this. ha ha. Yet, it’s good insight!

  6. Jon Says:

    No wonder I’m married already!!!! 🙂

  7. Victoria (Batzy) Says:

    ¨Full Time Jobs Are Sexy¨ so true!

    I should email this to all my guy friends hehe

  8. djj Says:

    Here’s one for the girls. If the guy treats you well and you should decide you’re not interested, don’t disgrace his efforts by letting him know with a text.

  9. Douglas Says:

    Super! ‘ love your blog.

  10. Tigpan Says:

    Will you be a guest blogger on my blog? 🙂 I think my favorite is “just ask!” So true….I know two people that I’ve missed out on because they didn’t ask…and then later when I was dating someone else they said “you know I always wanted to ask you, right?!” WHAT! Come on!

  11. Haden Says:

    Hey:

    I’m not wanting to be rude or anything here, but I just want to point out that I’ve done every single one of the things you mention-EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.-and I pretty infrequently make it to Date Three. By any measure I’m successful, driven, emotionally healthy, socially well adjusted, hygenic, you name it.

    I just wanted to register something on your site for the guys that maybe, just maybe, there’s more to it than following these suggestions like some formula.

    Perhaps the missing ingredient is that there may be something awkward or screwy about the sorts of Christian girls they’re pursuing.

    Lists like these can be very frustrating for guys, who tend to be very results/steps/data driven.

    I hope you or no one else take offense at this!

    • sunshineandstarlight Says:

      Well…I’m not a christian. Just kidding, just kidding!!

      No offense taken at all. I totally see where you are coming from and yes, a list of right and wrongs can seem ridiculous. There’s no perfect formula for salvation, being thin, falling in love, or dating! I mean if there were then we’d all be married right now, eh? 🙂

      I will also state that there’s a lot of girls these days (myself included) who struggle with commitment and the fear of losing freedom. I’m completely aware of how frustrating that can be for a man. Mainly b/c I seem to annoy quite a few of them with this mentality. This makes the dating process a little different than it has been in years past.

      On the bright side, you only need this dating thing to work out once!! Plus, any time you’re being a gentleman that is not in vain. Ever. I think it’s awesome that you are already doing a lot of these things. They’re not a guarantee to get you a wife but they will help you get a reputation of being a great guy.

      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  12. Ryan Says:

    Your askin guys to put their heart out there and you’re not willing too? 🙂 Do yourself a favor.. You gotta a crush on a guy for years and you don’t tell him? Your loss. Get the gonads and put YOUR heart and friendship on the line. It’s not easy. I agree with everything else you wrote. But I’ll say this.. When I was single, i was asked out twice and i was super impressed that the girl didn’t allow her fear and tradition stand in the way of her heart. I’m just sayin.. 🙂

  13. Steph Says:

    Contrary to ‘modern’ thinking, I totally agree with 16! I can’t bring myself out to ask a guy out! I love this post, so true! Plus, guys who hold the door always leave a good impression on me. 🙂

  14. shawna Says:

    oh gosh, i just LOVE you!
    you are so cute. This is a great post.

    ps. I get to see you SOON!!!

  15. Rachel B Says:

    Ok so I know this isnt the approp place to do this, usually I reply to comments via email, but yours didnt have an email connected to it. So here is my reply!

    You said: I’m here from Mingle Monday too!! AND I LOVE HARRY POTTER. This means we are sure to be friends in real life. Plus, the name of your blog is awesome.

    I say: You had me at sushi ninjas.

    Also, 2 first name? Awesome!!

  16. mct88 Says:

    This is awesome!! Yes, beautiful and gorgeous are words we want to hear! Yes, I prefer to be asked over the phone or in person. Please do compliment me I did spend time getting ready for this date, I at least want to know if I look nice 🙂

  17. Anonymous Says:

    I would love to hear what the young men have to say…..
    Their opinions matter, too! Any ideas guys????
    Now for List #2. ;}

  18. michelle davis Says:

    Laura, you bloggity blogger 🙂
    Heart your post on dating dudes.

  19. Anonymous Says:

    Boys will be boys.

  20. Poser Says:

    Smiled throughout this entire post.
    Came across your blog from a tweet from our mutual friend Fred.
    Can I add one MASSIVE thing to your list?

    DO NOT STOP DOING THESE THINGS WHEN YOU GET MARRIED.

    Fin.

    😛

  21. Poser Says:

    Tha was supposed to be a
    : P , not sticking my tongue at you 🙂

  22. Cheston Says:

    Great advice Laura! Thanks!

  23. All The Single Ladies! « Says:

    […] month, I wrote a little post with a few dating tips for single guys.  It was fun for me plus I enjoyed hearing the opinions from […]

  24. Minda Says:

    i’m re-posting this.

    PERFECTION.

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