Last month, I wrote a little post with a few dating tips for single guys. It was fun for me plus I enjoyed hearing the opinions from those who took the chance to read it over. I thought it would be interesting to hear a guy’s perspective on the list, so I asked my good buddy Drew Worsham to write a post in response.
He’s a dear friend who lives far away in Washington and trust me when I say that the man has a heart of gold. I like this guy a lot (in a friend way…geeze) so be nice. Clearly, neither one of us are dating experts because, duh, we’re both single. However, we both have ideas about what works and what doesn’t. Read Drew’s post below, as he explains some of what goes on in the mind of a guy during a first date. Don’t worry, there’s no reason to be entirely nervous. *wink*
Okay ladies, you are probably wondering what us fellas are thinking about this whole dating scene. Let’s be honest, men and women are looking at this from two totally different angles and frustrations arise when we are trying to communicate our wants, desires and expectations just to find out that we are speaking different languages. So here it goes, a list formed by a group of eligible A+ bachelors in response to what you ladies desire in a guy, plus some behind-the-scenes additions that we would love for you to know about what we are looking for during a first date.
1) On Opening Doors
At the beginning of the date, the guessing game starts as we try our best to figure out what’s appropriate or not, gentleman vs cheeseball. Most men (especially those of us from the south) were taught to open doors for our mom and/or our sisters. If we didn’t, we got smacked on the backside of the head and as we looked up to see where the abuse came from, we would see dad pointing to the door as mom waited patiently for us to be a gentleman. Guys love opening your door just as much as you love us to open them. We’ve been training for this most of our lives. It’s a simple act that says I’m here for you, I’ll protect you if I need to and you’re a lady worthy of this small gesture. Ladies, let us open your door! It gets awkward when we have to race you to the door as though it were a competitive sport. So pause for a moment. I personally love it when my date will wait at the door for me, not in a “I expect this” way but rather in a “I’m allowing you to be the man” way. Very attractive.
2) Be Adventurous
Chances are we put some thought into this date. We are trying to be creative and make it a fun experience for the both us. Be willing to try new things like sushi, foreign dance lessons or watching something other than a romantic comedy. Don’t immediately assume you are going to hate it, even if you know that you already hate it. It’s very attractive when a woman is willing to get out of her comfort zone, plus we begin to associate you with excitement and adventure. Definite points.
3) Go with the Flow
While out on the date, make sure to take it easy and go with the flow. Anything can happen on a date, including spilt wine on a white dress, bad service from a waiter, a flat tire, or even being chased down the street by robbers. (from Laura:: HA! Chased by robbers? This made me laugh out loud. Ok…continue.) Whatever happens, try to keep your sense of humor. One thing that does turn off most men is a woman who haggles or bargains too much or has a habit of sending her food back in a restaurant because it is not exactly right. This makes him think that you might be judging him in the same finicky manner. Whatever may arise, be cool.
4) Affirmation! Affirmation! Affirmation!
I put this as number 4 but if you read and take anything away from this list, I believe this may be the most important. I’ll let you in on a little secret: Us fellas are really, really nervous on this date. We are second guessing everything from the restaurant we picked, the car door we opened for you and the flower we got or opted out of getting because we didn’t want you to think that we were trying too hard. We are insecure creatures and we are desperately seeking your affirmation. We want you to get excited about the elements we selected for the evening and we want to hear it. We are kinda like puppies, if we do something good and you want us to do it again, it’s important you give us a treat. For example, if we open the door, tell us ‘thank you’ or if we do something you think is sweet, let us know. There is a good chance we will do it again in the future.
5) Don’t Read into Things
We are destined to do something that is going to confuse you. If you are unsure about anything, ASK! It’s not as weird as you think it is and it’s way better then guessing. Plus it keeps us accountable and makes us man-up and be honest with what we meant by holding your hand during the newest Harry Potter movie trailer. (from Laura:: I’d like to think the HP reference was put there just for my enjoyment. I’m affirming that decision.)
6) Get a Life
This goes both ways, I know…but I’ve noticed that (especially with the christian, single ladies out there) there is a tendency for some (not all) of you to put your lives on hold until Mr. Right comes galloping up on his white steed and saves the day and gives you a purpose to live for. However, we love it when you have hobbies, friends, goals and ambitions of your own.
7) Love Your Dad/Father Figure
I realize that there are a lot of ladies out there with alcoholic fathers, abusive fathers or absence fathers. For that, I’m really sorry but I hope that you’ve been blessed and surrounded by Godly men and I hope that you love and respect them. This is the equivalent of us fellas loving our moms. The same rules apply. The way we see you treat and respect your dad or any other father figures will one day be the way you treat and respect us, if sparks continue to fly and we choose to carry on. If you’ve got “issues with men”, rest assured we know that these matters in question will trickle down toward us and cause big problems in the end.
8 ) Save some for Date #2
Make sure you check your emotional baggage at the door. This is not the time to discuss your cheating ex-boyfriend, your alcoholic mother, or your psychotic boss. We are trying to get acquainted with who you are but we don’t want to play therapist. Fight the impulse to reveal too much too soon. It’s the mystery of it all that makes us interested; save some details about your life for date #2.
9) We Don’t Want To Hear All About Your Ex Boyfriend
Period. We feel compared to the people in your past just like you do when we talk about our ex’s. We don’t want to hear about the last guy you dated who was a supermodel, how he drove a jeep, had an awesome golden retriever named Sam or any of your past date experiences for that matter (unless they were awful, that actually might make us feel better).
10) Put The Phone Away!
Same rules apply. Texting during the date doesn’t give us the impression that you have an awesome life that we would be lucky to be a part of of. No! It makes us think you are bored and we take that as an insult to our pride and immediately begin to check out. If you HAVE to take a call, use manners and politely state, “I’m sorry. Do you mind if I take this call?” We will always say ‘yes’ and it makes us feel important and considered.
11) Relax. Be Yourself.
We’ve gotten this far. We worked up enough courage to ask you out. You might have just been being nice by saying ‘yes’ to our date invitation but we put a lot of thought into it and probably practiced our speech in front of the mirror days before asking you out and, if you want to know a secret, we probably didn’t just bump into you at that coffee shop that you go to every Tuesday at 3:30. Surprise! We think you’re attractive and we are interested in you. And we want to get to know the real you, not some pretend version of you.
12) Ask Questions.
Women have a tendency to talk a bit more than men. One way to get a man’s attention on a date is to pay a lot of attention to him. Rather than talking about yourself, ask him some questions. Guys love to be asked about our jobs, hobbies, school etc. However don’t turn into too much of an interrogator or we might feel that you are getting too personal too quick. It’s also not a good idea to ask us puzzling questions such as “If you were a balloon, what color would you want to be?” That’s just weird and we will think that you are weird. (from Laura:: Blast. I always thought that balloon question was a crowd pleaser.)
13) Slooooooow Down!
It’s just a date. We probably don’t know each other very well and this is our way of remedying this and getting more familiar with one another. But remember, it’s just a date! Don’t get online and mash both of your facebook profile pics together to see what your babies may look like and don’t put our last name with your first name to see if it has a nice ring to it. Trust me ladies, nothing good will come of this. We are here to have fun and enjoy one another’s company. Don’t turn this harmless, exciting experience into a marriage interview. Good to avoid questions like “How many kids do you want?”
14) Let us Pay
It’s always nice to offer but never pay. Let us sweep in with that famous line accompanied by a smile and maybe a wink, “Nope, it’s on me!” It makes us feel smooth, even if you set us up for it. (from Laura:: Drew, I need a picture and/or video of this ‘wink’.)
15) Easy on the Make-Up
Ladies, we can’t tell you how much we appreciate the time and effort you put into getting ready and looking nice. Trust me, we love it and we notice! But don’t feel like you have to completely paint your face up as though you are doing a photo shoot with Glamour magazine or, better yet, like you just had a job interview with Barnum and Bailey’s. I remember hearing that the secret of make-up is to look like you don’t have any on. Hear me out, us guys are not anti-make up but we just want you to take it easy. Less is more.
16) Be A Lady
We are NOT looking for a barbie doll and at the first sign of high-maintenance we will run, but feel free to be a lady. Dress up, fix your hair, look like you are trying to grab our attention. Yeah, of course we like it when you are interested in the things we like but please don’t feel the pressure to impress us by ‘fitting in’ with the boys by burping at the table and only talking about fishing, hunting and other outdoor sports. There is a reason we asked you out and not our video-game-infatuated roommate. In many ways you are different than us and that’s what we love about you.
After we drop you off for the evening, don’t be afraid to text us and let us know that you had a great time (but only if you had a great time, see #4). However, let us do the leading and schedule the second date if that’s what we see in the future. What if the date was just okay or horrendous and we don’t really see a second date on the horizon? When it comes to the appropriate way to follow up on our not-so-great get-together, protocol can be very tricky. Let’s face it, if it’s a lose-lose situation more than likely we won’t call. I know… I know… it sounds like a jerk move but let’s consider the alternative. We call you up two days after the date just to tell you that we probably won’t be asking you out again. Bigger jerk move. The follow up is us calling you to tell you we won’t be calling. So if he doesn’t call back, please don’t take it personal and please don’t slander his name all across town, he may be doing you a favor. Not all dates are going to lead to happily ever after.
To be honest, the list goes on and on. I realize that these views, by no means, represent those of the entire male population and there are some things that could have been overgeneralized. This was not meant to be an exhaustive checklist but I think it will give you a little insight into the minds of some of us guys. We walk a fine line between sweet & charming and trying too hard & being cheesy, so cut us some slack and expect us to be a little stupid and make mistakes. We think differently on almost everything. We are just as excited about the date as you are and we are looking forward to actually getting to know you. So in short, be you and we will have an exceptional time. (from Laura:: Hehe, you said exceptional.)
So, what do you think? Agree or disagree? Anything you’d like to add? Feel free to comment it up. As always, thanks for reading AND make sure you check out Drew’s website because not only is he nice but he’s also a pretty talented guy. Well….I have a lot of super talented friends but his giftings are pretty unique. Adios!